


May You Always Be Satisfied

by KayDiggsWriting



Series: The Sins Of A Sacrifice [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: F/M, Hamgelica, Hamilton - Freeform, Hamliza, I'm still bad at tags, Love, Sacrifice, Wedding, other stuff I guess, satisfied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 18:18:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12326304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KayDiggsWriting/pseuds/KayDiggsWriting
Summary: Angelica is happy for her sister. She really is. As long as Eliza is smiling, her own tears don't matter.You don't have to read the first story to understand this one. But you should anyway.





	May You Always Be Satisfied

**Author's Note:**

> I only read over this once so sorry in advance for any mistakes.

There was a consistent buzz in the large room. Not to be mistaken with the annoying buzzing sound of a pesky insect near your ear. No, this buzz was a much more joyful one. A delightful concoction of soft music, clicked heels, excited voices and alcohol induced giggles. 

Angelica had her fair share of the available poison. Yet she wasn't as prone to the laughter of the night. Her usually bright aura were dulled of its sparkle. Her smile not genuine enough to crinkle the corners of her eyes. She silently prayed no one would notice her pretense of happiness. She would have no acceptable explanation for her bitter attitude. Not even she herself understood it. 

How did she explain the contradicting emotions that were soaring through her? The overwhelming sense of joy at seeing her younger sister -the first true love of her life- happy beyond compare. The slash of pride at knowing she was partly responsible. The shame of having her younger sister married off before her. The ache of knowing she'd never be as happy. The longing for the man that wasn't hers to long for. The disgust of being helplessly in love with her sister's husband. The fear that she'd never again feel the way she felt when she first saw him. It was all too much.

Was it possible for a heart to break and swell at the same time? It had to be because Angelica was feeling it now. 

She finished what remained of the bitter wine in her crystal glass. Not even half as intoxicated as she wished to be. But buzzed enough to recent her from crying out in joy and sorrow hysterically. Keeping her from looking every bit the mad woman she felt to be in this moment. 

Her hazed eyes wondered to the brightest smile in the room. To the most beautiful woman in the room. Her Eliza. One year her junior, but a million years past her in beauty, grace and kindness. She deserved the great Alexander Hamilton. It was true what people said about love. It was a selfish thing. And Angelica loved her sister more than anything in this life. The love she felt for her was completely selfish. She was determined to ensure Elizabeth would remain blissfully happy through her life. No matter what or who she sacrificed for it to be. 

She was doing the right thing. For once in her life Angelica Schuyler was satisfied with the way things were.... Until the music shifted and the dancers followed suit. She was no longer looking into the angelic face of her sister from across the room. An emotion she was maddeningly all too familiar with settled comfortably in her stomach. Tightening her insides that were already being squeezed by the corset. 

The dark, brooding eyes of her new brother came into view. Unlike Eliza, he wasn't too swept away in a series of giggles and facing to notice Angelica's stare. As soon he was spun opposite of his previous position, he was staring. Watching her more intently than she was comfortable with. In the crowd of almost one hundred witnesses to his wedding, he made the eldest Schuyler sister feel like the only one in the room. 

Angelica needed to look away. Those eyes- intelligent and intoxicating beautiful as they were- were the reason for all her troubles. It felt like years ago when she first laid witness to their spell. When she fell in love with him after no more than a gaze and a smile in her direction. But it hadn't been years. The ache in her heart was too bold and strong for her to pretend as such. The weeks alas all the time she got to recover. To fall out of love. To make her mind, her heart, and her soul forget its instant connection to the man.

A seemingly impossible task but Angelica has never shied away from a challenge. Titling her chin defiantly, she met his gaze with one just as holding. Sending a completely different message from the one Alexander was. Her posture attempting to scream 'I''m over you'! Being the only man who'd ever been able to match her her mind and heart, Alexander seemed to understand easily. His own state wavered. His feel faltering beneath him. It temporarily studded his dance. Causing Eliza's to misstep onto his own. She laughed in embarrassment. Alexander smiled fondly down at his bride. His face taking on a soft quality it didn't possess when he was looking at Angelica. 

Love.

'There is no love stronger than one unrequited. There is no love more painful.' 

Angelica's grandmother's words rang relevant in her ears. Those soul smashing sentences. Were then matched by a memory more recent. A wise set of words spoken to her by her mother when she reached the peak of womanhood on her 16th birthday.

'The bond of a blood sister is an unbreakable one. A love never to be matched.'

Her mother and grandmother were both correct in a sense. Two beautiful and brilliant women. Angelica strived for their wisdom.

"Alright! Alright!" The drunken slur came from the small, freckled man to her left. The music became progressively lighter before halting. "That's what I'm talking about." The exclamation made the room burst in a flurry of chuckles. Angelica found herself laughing along this time. The soldier, John Laurens, was a sweet man. Impossible to dislike. The room's full attention was gifted to him. "And now give it up for he maid of honor." Angelica adjusted under the weight of his arm around her. "Angelica Schuyler!" 

And now the floor was hers. On a night that belonged to her sister, she was granted the spotlight. At least a hundred pairs of eyes turned on her. None holding a candle to Alexander's. she decided to see only him. To speak to him alone while delivering the mandatory speech in a room full of people who didn't understand what the night meant to her.

"A toast to the groom." How obvious of her to mention him before her own sister. But Alexander Hamilton was a force that demanded recognition. 

"To the groom." Glasses were held up in cheer. 

They repeated her but they didn't understand. Because they weren't in her mind on that faithfully unfaithful night just fifteen days ago. They didn't see the way Alexander saw into her. Or smiled at her. The soft way he'd spoken her name and kissed her handX they couldn't know what they were truly toasting to.

"To the bride." She let herself see Eliza for only a second before the tunnel vision returned.

"To the bride!" This was repeated with more gusto. As it should be. 

Eliza deserved the praise. She deserved to smile in the manner she'd been smiling all night. She deserved to be Alexander's bride. To bear his name and his children. To be happy with the only man Angelica ever wanted.

"From your sister!" Peggy wrapped her hand around Angelica's slim waist. Reminded her that she did indeed have another sister. One whose happiness would also always surpass her own. Angelica would have done the same thing for the beautiful, innocent Peggy. "Who is always by your side." Her hand came down gently on Peggy's head as she spoke. The gesture reminding Margaret that she was also talking to her. Even if tonight wasn't her night. 

Alexander's lips curved in appreciation for her words. His right arm enfolded tightly around his love. His left hand holding up a glass in honor of her today to new beginnings and a broken heart. This was it. Tonight was the goodbye to her Alexander. She prayed he'd read the double meaning of what she was saying. Feel her farewell to the brief affair of the mind they'd shared for the few moments her sister wasn't in the room. 

The frustration of needing him to hear what she wasn't saying burned inside of her. Bringing unwanted moisture to her eyes. Alexander's hand visibly tightening around his glass. His head a vertical line of stiff movement. A nod. He understood their parting. Angelica could breath easier.

"To your union." She forced herself to soldier on. Swallowing the lump of loneliness in her throat. 

"To the union!" They were like parrots at this point. Blindly reciting.

"To the revolution!" The call of the uniformed men startled her into surprised laughter. Playfully, she glared at the handsome soldier on Peggy's side who lead the chant. Marquis de Lafayette. His sheepish smart was not close to apologetic. 

"And the hope that you provide!"

Not just financially. Not just with pretty dresses and shiny jewels. Her sister needed to be provided with laugher and unconditional love. A warm home. Alexander should provide Elizabeth with everything Angelica craved from him. 

"Provide!" They echoed.

"May you always!" She raised her hand higher in finality. Nearing the end of her speech. Her love. Her goodbye. 

"Always!" The room agreed. Not knowing what they were demanding of them. So Angelica informed them. "Be satisfied!"

Alexander flinched. His owns words to the sister he didn't marry seemed to bother him. Slowly, his hand lowered to his side. The expressive glass dangled between his fingers. She'd asked too much of him too soon. He assured her that he would never be satisfied. And she knew he was speaking the truth. But she needed to ask this of him. She needed him to be satisfied with Eliza so that her sacrifice wouldn't be in vain. Angelica would never be satisfied. Alexander thought they were the same in that sense. And maybe they were... Before he was blessed with Eliza. Now was his chance to spite the unending urge of dissatisfaction. By the grace of God let him be sated. 

The room erupted in applause. The buzz was back. The claps, the congratulations, the music, the dancing, the clinking of glasses. 

Angelica was slammed in to a hug by her younger sister. A startled yelp escaped her lips before she was giggling and hugging Eliza back just as tight. The tears clouding her eyes slipped over. Warning her cheeks and staining her powdered makeup. But it was worth it. It all was worth it now. 

The room stilled before her as Alexander leisurely approached. The smile on his face was masking something else. She could tell at first glance. How long would it take her dear sister to read him so well? How long would it take her to stop? 

"A beautiful toast." He praised. 

Eliza hummed in agreement. Moving her clutch from her eldest to her youngest sister. Freeing the space for Alexander to embrace her. Their first hug after the end of... of them. Strong, sure arms surrounded her. Giving her permission to melt against them. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. Not if she wanted to heal. 

The hair on Alexander's face tickled her skin. Absorbing the line of tears on her cheeks as they brushed past. Just another part of her he'd be taking with him tonight. 

"I'm satisfied." His words jolted her though they were whispered quietly and gingerly. Only for her to hear. Again, Angelica's heart swelled as it broke. Good. This was good. He would have no choice but to be satisfied with the best woman the world had to offer. Angelica squeezed him closer. Just for a second. Unable to hide her contentment with his statement. Of course Alexander wouldn't leave it at that. It would have been much too simple for a man so complicated. So he added, "Even if I am only to remain in your life as your brother. At least I remain in your life." 

Stiff arms dropped to her side. Alexander retracted his own, stepping away from her. Taking hands with the woman who held his matching wedding band. Matching name. Matching love. 

No! 

Angelica's face dampened with the arrival of new tears. This wasn't the way it should be. Those words should not have been spoken. How could this be their end when words so advanced could only mean a new beginning? How could she water the flame of a love that was just doused in gasoline? Short answer, she could not. Her head hung in self pity. 

Following the actions of those around her, she spun on her heels to view the couple take leave. Step by step. Hand in hand. Even from behind Elizabeth was glowing. 

She could do this. For Eliza she could let go. And she would. But then Alexander cursed her with an indisputable glimpse over his shoulder. In that moment Angelica realized that her grandmother's knowledge of love surpassed her mother's.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed it!


End file.
